Fr. Pollard and Eleanor Roosevelt inspect radiation counter at ORINS, 1955 (Wikipedia). When I was growing up in East Tennessee, an Episcopal priest in a neighboring city was also the executive director of the Oak Ridge Institute of Nuclear Studies, a consortium of universities that worked with the old Atomic Energy Commission to promote nuclear medicine research … Continue reading Fighting cancer as a group activity — of science, religion, communities of trust and walking the talk with Jesus
Hospital journal 1: A merry romp through abstract theology, Christology, rabbit holes and a lovely prayer for good courage
Creation of Adam, Michelangelo (Wikimedia Commons). Sunday, Jan. 19. First, the good news: I'm getting lots of reading done. I've even finished three or four chapters of Ilia Delio's "Christ in Evolution" (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis, 2008), and I've had plenty of time to read slowly and think about what I'm reading. Which means I'm beginning to understand … Continue reading Hospital journal 1: A merry romp through abstract theology, Christology, rabbit holes and a lovely prayer for good courage
Hospital journal (1 of 3): Stories
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A72MAMTVnQo George Burns, in character, answers John Denver's questions in 'Oh, God!' (1977). Editor's (admin's) note: First of three journals based on spiritual and theological reading while I was in HSHS St. John's Hospital in January. I did a lot of reading, in my usual slapdash manner, and I pulled together some disparate ideas -- connected … Continue reading Hospital journal (1 of 3): Stories
How a Jesuit spiritual exercise and a dream are helping me struggle with an apocalyptic election year
Domenichino, St. Ignatius' vision at La Storta, 1622 (Wikimedia Commons). I'm not going to call what happened last night anything other than what it was: A dream. No heavenly light on the road to Damascus (not even New Berlin or Jacksonville). No visions of God the Father and God the Son bearing the Cross by … Continue reading How a Jesuit spiritual exercise and a dream are helping me struggle with an apocalyptic election year
‘After the final no comes a yes’: On new beginnings, Elaine Pagels and the empty tomb in the gospel of Mark (2 of 2)
2nd of 2 posts -- click HERE to see first post Pierre Jean Van der Ouderaa, “The Holy Women,” 1893 (Wikimedia Commons). Mark 16 (NRSVUE): When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James and Salome bought spices, so that they might go and anoint him. 2 And very early on the first … Continue reading ‘After the final no comes a yes’: On new beginnings, Elaine Pagels and the empty tomb in the gospel of Mark (2 of 2)
Spiritual direction notes for May: ‘After the final no, comes a yes’; Swedish thelogian on Christan — and Lutheran — responsibility to fight antisemitism
'Krister Stendahl död,' Sydsvenskan, Malmö, April 16, 2008. Lightly edited copy of an email I sent to my spiritual director today in advance of our session for May. I’ve been writing these for several years now, primarily in order to help me focus my mind before we talk. It’s not a record or an agenda of … Continue reading Spiritual direction notes for May: ‘After the final no, comes a yes’; Swedish thelogian on Christan — and Lutheran — responsibility to fight antisemitism
‘After the final no comes a yes’: An English major-y romp through Wallace Stevens and the empty tomb in Mark 16:1-8 (1 of 2)
1st of 2 posts -- click HERE to see second post The Empty Tomb, St. Elizabeth‘s Catholic Church, Columbus, Ohio (Wikimedia Commons). My inner child was an English major, so I was intrigued to find Wallace Stevens quoted in an book by biblical scholar Elaine Pagels, who is more likely to quote obscure third- and … Continue reading ‘After the final no comes a yes’: An English major-y romp through Wallace Stevens and the empty tomb in Mark 16:1-8 (1 of 2)
A twofer for spiritual direction: ‘By their fruits — and (harmonica) toots — shall ye know them’; intersectionality, too
Ameya Deshmukh, 'Squirrel' (Wikimedia Commons). Lightly edited copy of an email I sent to my spiritual director in advance of our session for March. I’ve been writing these for several years now, primarily in order to help me focus my mind before we talk. It’s not a record or an agenda of our sessions. (Often enough, … Continue reading A twofer for spiritual direction: ‘By their fruits — and (harmonica) toots — shall ye know them’; intersectionality, too
How Beyoncé’s crossover country and a Black harmonica player of the 1930s got me back to making music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7xxnaWxmPo DeFord Bailey at Grand Ole Opry reunion (Living the Blues). My taste in music is nothing if not eclectic. It runs toward Anglo-Celtic fiddle tunes, southern Appalachian ballads, trad Irish, Swedish and Norwegian gammaldans, English folk melodies, roots reggae, blues, African American spirituals, Southern gospel and early American shape-note hymns -- practically anything, in … Continue reading How Beyoncé’s crossover country and a Black harmonica player of the 1930s got me back to making music
‘I believe … I cannot believe’: A mantra from Luther’s Small Catechism to lead me on when the night is dark
Léonard Gaultier, Christ Heals an Epileptic Boy, ca. 1580 (National Gallery). Mark 9 (NRSVUE): 14When they came to the disciples, they saw a great crowd around them and some scribes arguing with them. 15When the whole crowd saw him, they were immediately overcome with awe, and they ran forward to greet him. 16He asked them, “What are … Continue reading ‘I believe … I cannot believe’: A mantra from Luther’s Small Catechism to lead me on when the night is dark
‘I believe; help my unbelief’: Praying with anxiety (spiritual direction, January 2024)
Lightly edited copy of an email I sent to my spiritual director in advance of our session for January. I think it's important to say what it is -- and isn't -- as we start a new year. I've been writing these for several years now, primarily in order to help me focus my mind … Continue reading ‘I believe; help my unbelief’: Praying with anxiety (spiritual direction, January 2024)
Fixing the world’s grief, at least feeling a little better about my own, with a little help from a meme on social media
For several years now, an internet meme has been a mantra of mine when the news gets unbearable. Or, maybe, a talisman. More likely some of both. It purports to be a quote from the Talmud, but actually it's a paraphrase or mashup of passages from a prophet in the Hebrew Bible, or Old Testament, … Continue reading Fixing the world’s grief, at least feeling a little better about my own, with a little help from a meme on social media
Trying Ignatian contemplation with Abraham at the sacred oak of Moreh and the radiology lab at SUI Med school
God Appears to Abraham at Sichem, Paulus Potter, 1625-54 (Wikimedia Commons) Genesis 12 (NRSVE) When they had come to the land of Canaan, 6 Abram passed through the land to the place at Shechem, to the oak[b] of Moreh. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. 7 Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will … Continue reading Trying Ignatian contemplation with Abraham at the sacred oak of Moreh and the radiology lab at SUI Med school
A (belated) birthday meditation — trying to be a mensch in a suboptimal year
I did chemo at SIU Medicine1 and I got this lousy magnificent T-shirt! In an unexpected turn of events, I celebrated my 81st birthday with my first immunotherapy infusion for what has turned out to be stage 4 bladder cancer. When a recent biopsy came back showing a trouble spot in one of my lymph … Continue reading A (belated) birthday meditation — trying to be a mensch in a suboptimal year
Back to the 1980s: Getting a biopsy during a hospital cyberattack with a little help from a Jesuit exercise and a Jewish novelist
As soon as I checked in at the registration desk in the main lobby at HSHS St. John's, I knew this hospital visit was going to be different. Normally when I check in at a doctor’s office, I give my name, the receptionist calls up my file and I give my date of birth or … Continue reading Back to the 1980s: Getting a biopsy during a hospital cyberattack with a little help from a Jesuit exercise and a Jewish novelist
The saga continues — I’m locked out of Facebook again, and I’m taking it as a sign to spend more time growing the blog
So I came home from the hospital today with good news I wanted to share. I was there for a EGD scope, a procedure that looks at the upper GI tract. A post-chemotherapy PET scan had shown the original cancer in my bladder was gone -- yay chemo! -- but there was a suspicious area … Continue reading The saga continues — I’m locked out of Facebook again, and I’m taking it as a sign to spend more time growing the blog
‘Are you there, God? It’s me …’: My prayer life at 80 and the 11-year-old title character in a Judy Blume novel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzRzojHC3iE&t=51s One thing about living with cancer -- and cancer treatment -- for several months now, it's jump-started my prayer life. But not in the way I might have expected. For several years now, I've been meeting with a spiritual director, and I've read up on practices like lectio divina and Ignatian contemplation. Instead, I'm … Continue reading ‘Are you there, God? It’s me …’: My prayer life at 80 and the 11-year-old title character in a Judy Blume novel
Giving up chemo and starting yoga exercises for Lent — an interim progress report as the side effects wear off
Next steps: Jane Adams' gentle yoga for seniors and resting up after chemo. Journaling the last of chemotherapy and its immediate aftermath, then a couple of weeks devoted to gathering strength for what comes next. I started this post three days out from my last infusion, just before the side effects hammered me -- right … Continue reading Giving up chemo and starting yoga exercises for Lent — an interim progress report as the side effects wear off
A chemo-infused reflection on Ash Wednesday, St. Francis and the first few signs of spring outside the window
Giotto, 1297-99, Basilica of St. Francis, Assisi, (WikiArt). Welp, I know what I want to give up for Lent this year: Chemotherapy. That's what. Yesterday I celebrated Shrove Tuesday, or Mardi Gras, by beginning my last cycle of chemotherapy at the Southern Illinois University medical school's Simmons Cancer Institute. No pancakes, but I did eat … Continue reading A chemo-infused reflection on Ash Wednesday, St. Francis and the first few signs of spring outside the window
12-step wisdom and a terrible, horrible, kinda good, maybe not-so-bad day halfway through chemotherapy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YOQbE692s8&t=266s Fr. Brendan McManus SJ, Gardiner Street Parish Dublin, recorded Oct. 25, 2020 As I reach the halfway point in chemotherapy this week, I'm making a special effort to take things one day at a time. So let me tell you about a terrible, horrible, maybe kinda good, not-so-bad-after-all day I had last week. As … Continue reading 12-step wisdom and a terrible, horrible, kinda good, maybe not-so-bad day halfway through chemotherapy
Praying only for the knowledge of God’s will and the strength to carry it out amid the ‘paradoxical tragedy-wonder of life’
Roman arch over the Via Dolorosa, Jerusalem, November 2012 Overheard the other day in the infusion center at Southern Illinois University while I was headed toward the bathroom for the umpteenth time: NURSE 1: “He took his Lasix before he came in.” NURSE 2: “So he’s going to go wee, wee, wee all the way home?” I had a snappy comeback, but … Continue reading Praying only for the knowledge of God’s will and the strength to carry it out amid the ‘paradoxical tragedy-wonder of life’
A Jesuit, a Protestant reformer and a spiritual mutt walk into an ER (instead of a bar): How I’m learning to trust God
Pilgrims entering Garden of Gethsemane, Jerusalem, November 2012. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. -- Proverbs 3:5-6 (NRSV): Our prayer doesn’t change God’s mind, it changes us. It helps us change our own minds and hearts. It … Continue reading A Jesuit, a Protestant reformer and a spiritual mutt walk into an ER (instead of a bar): How I’m learning to trust God
‘A Mild Touch of the Cancer’: In which I learn to use the ‘C-word’ from an ‘ex-comedian’ and blogger in New Zealand
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2Wv_wwFH1I David Downs, TEDxAuckland, Auckland, New Zealand, April 11, 2019 Like so many people of my generation, I didn't even want to hear about cancer. Too upsetting. If I saw the word in a headline, I'd scroll down to the next story in the directory. But after I got my diagnosis, I went online to … Continue reading ‘A Mild Touch of the Cancer’: In which I learn to use the ‘C-word’ from an ‘ex-comedian’ and blogger in New Zealand
Pilgrims: Reading about a pilgrimage on Spain’s Camino de Santiago as I set out on my chemotherapy journey
Pilgrims on the Camino del Norte, Spain (Wikimedia Commons) After my first round of chemotherapy Tuesday at Southern Illinois University's Simmons Cancer Center, I was asked how it went. I think my answer surprised us both (I know it did me), and the conversation went a little bit like this. "I liked it," I blurted … Continue reading Pilgrims: Reading about a pilgrimage on Spain’s Camino de Santiago as I set out on my chemotherapy journey
Ringing in the new (church) year on St. Andrew’s Day with the daily prayer and meditation on an Irish Jesuit website
Pietro da Cortona, 'Calling of St. Peter and St. Andrew,' ca. 1626-30 (Wikimedia Commons) One of the few things I remember clearly from my confirmation classes 50-plus years ago in an Episcopal church is the date of St. Andrew's Day. Somehow it lodged in my preadolescent brain, when I wasn't wisecracking about the wives of … Continue reading Ringing in the new (church) year on St. Andrew’s Day with the daily prayer and meditation on an Irish Jesuit website
Practical ways on a Jesuit website in Ireland to ‘face into the storm’ of cancer diagnosis and treatment
Peter Paul Rubens, Miracle of St. Ignatius of Loyola (Wikimedia Commons) There's a story I really like in James Martin's Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life. An editor-at-large of America magazine who has written several New York Times best-sellers, Martin sets it up the by saying the Jesuits pride themselves on … Continue reading Practical ways on a Jesuit website in Ireland to ‘face into the storm’ of cancer diagnosis and treatment
Ordinary Time 